i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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