My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
