Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
