I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
