I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
