I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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