he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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