so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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