Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
