I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
