from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
