There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
