I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
