Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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