maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
