I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
