atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
