He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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