Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
