its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
