I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
MIDGETS
????
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
