he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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