watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
