If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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