Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
