Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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