I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
