Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
