i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
