I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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