Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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