my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
