I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
ttyl tear gas
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
