the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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