We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
