Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
