you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
