I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
