It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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