im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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