I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
