Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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