we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
