I think my fart just growled at me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
