I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
