So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
well you can't waste a boner
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
