I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
