making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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