Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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