oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
