Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
