btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
i out mim tonsoeep
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
